Sexual consent explained
What is consent?
Consent is about respect and ongoing communication. Consent can be communicated through words or clear body language. Before and during any sexual activity, everyone must say or do something to check for consent. If you’re not sure you’ve got consent—you need to check and be sure.
Checking in with each other when doing something sexual is how we make sure our partners feel safe and that we feel safe too.
When it comes to consent, words matter, body language matters and actions matter.
Consent is...
- Clearly communicated: Either through verbal or non-verbal communication, including body language. Just because your partner/s haven't said ‘no’, does not mean they are consenting.
- Ongoing and mutual: Agreed together every time, before and during any sexual activity. Consenting to one type of sexual activity doesn’t mean they consent to everything so if you’re unsure, stop and check in.
- Free and voluntary: When everyone wants to engage in a sexual activity and doesn’t feel pressured, threatened, or coerced into doing something they don’t want to.
- Informed: When everyone involved wants to take part and understands what is involved.
Consent is not...
- Assumed: Even if you're in a relationship or have had sexual experiences with someone before, consent must be discussed and agreed together every time.
- Present when someone lacks capacity: If a person is asleep, unconscious, intoxicated, or does not know what they are consenting to, consent cannot be given.
- Agreed to where there's force: You cannot pressure, threaten or coerce someone into a sexual activity.
- Silence or lack of resistance: If a person does not say or do something to communicate they are agreeing to participate in a sexual activity, they are not consenting to that sexual activity.
Asking for consent
You always need to be sure you've got consent.
No matter how long you’ve known someone, or how many times you’ve had sex or done sexual things with them before, consent must be agreed, together, every time.
Keep checking in
People have different boundaries and likes and dislikes when it comes to sex. What people are comfortable with and what they enjoy can also change over time. It’s important to check you have consent every time—never assume consent.
If you’re not sure if someone is consenting, stop, check in, and respect their choice.
Asking for consent can feel daunting, but there’s lots of ways to do it. Here are some examples of positive ways to ask for consent, and what pressure looks like.
| Positive | Pressure |
|---|---|
| Feel like…? | Just relax. Everyone is doing it |
| Do you want to try…? | I want to do this |
| How does this feel for you? | Come on, let’s…. |
| Can I kiss you? | We should… |
| How do you feel about…? | We have to… |
| Do you want to? | I don’t care what you want |
Communicating consent
Consent can be communicated verbally or through clear body language and everyone can change their mind and withdraw consent at any time.
Consent is clear and freely given. Everyone must say or do something to communicate consent. It can’t be assumed just because someone hasn’t said no.
If someone says no, stop, or if they aren’t responding or their body language doesn't show they want to keep going, stop, check in, and respect their choice. Positive sexual experiences happen when everyone wants to be there.
Here are some examples of how someone could be consenting or not.
| Yes | No |
|---|---|
| Yes! | No. |
| I like that | I’m not into this / that |
| I'm ready | I don’t want to do this right now |
| Keep going | Not now |
| Leaning in | I kind of want to stop |
| Kissing you back | Can we take a break? |
| Nodding | They’re frozen or rigid / Not responding or replying |
| Hugging you closer | Turning, moving away or pushing away |
Withdrawing consent
It’s important everyone feels safe to say no.
People can be scared or hesitant to say no because they don’t know how the other person will react. They may not want to make them angry or upset, or they don’t really know what they’re feeling or how to talk about it.
You can create a space where your partners feel safe to tell you no by being respectful and supportive.
Here are some examples of positive ways to respond when someone withdraws their consent, and what pressure looks like.
| Positive | Pressure |
|---|---|
| No worries! | You would if you loved me |
| Of course | Don’t you find me attractive? |
| That’s ok | But I really want / need to |
| That’s cool | You sent me that pic / message |
| I want you to feel comfortable | I know you want to / You know you want it |
| Are you ok? | But it's been so long |
| Let me know what’s good for you | You tease / frigid / vanilla / boring / prude |
| Can I check again later? No pressure | You liked it when I did X, you must like Y |
| Let’s stop | Just relax |
| No worries, let’s do something else. | But you said you would earlier! |
Proposed changes to sexual consent laws in Queensland
The Criminal Law (Coercive Control and Affirmative Consent) and Other Legislation Amendment Bill 2023 is currently before the Queensland Parliament. The Bill was introduced on 11 October 2023 and referred to the Legal Affairs and Safety Committee for consideration.